I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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