I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
