apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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