We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
