You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
