Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
