My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
