If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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