i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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