I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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