Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
