His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
