I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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