I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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