I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
