another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
