i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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