some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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