this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae