Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda