I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?