Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.