if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina