I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
