Having a random hookup so left but love u
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
