i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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