Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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