apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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