2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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