I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
