I just threw up on my dentist
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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