I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
