How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
no you cant smoke seaweed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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