My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
