What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
