So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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