I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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