even my farts smell like vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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