It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
