Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
