I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
