Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
