tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
