Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
