I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
