Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
