My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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