Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
