And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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