my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
