your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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