I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
