Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
