he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
