don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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