I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
