before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
