do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
