well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
