I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize