I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
