i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
