When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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