I got chris browned last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
