I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
