I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
