Me. At least after what I've been through.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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