I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
