I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
