you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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