OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
