He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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