Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
