why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
