Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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