hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
