If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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