Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
