he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
