Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize