What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
