You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
